Your face is a jimmy john
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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