worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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