I want to have your abortion
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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