He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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