Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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