Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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