dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
either way he was missing a nipple.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
