I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
