so explain again why im purple
no
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
