I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
