after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
