i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
