Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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