the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
