i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Even my vagina gasped.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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