u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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