Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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