she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
