i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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