btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
