i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
