I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
