i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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