I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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