so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
