when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
