I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
