thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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