So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
