1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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