I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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