I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
