The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
