I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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