Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
