He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
