Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
