Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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