Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
