i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
