he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
