All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
