did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
