I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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