Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
