It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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