never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
