so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
