I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
