This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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