She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize