Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
