just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
