Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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