He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
