My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize