Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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