life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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