I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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