Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it glows. i had to have it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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