Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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