Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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