so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
