Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
