In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
