also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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