i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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