i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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