Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
