Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
